Covey has a nice style. He attacks what he is doing with conviction and does not settle for a half explained theory. I am thoroughly enjoying his book. He explores the 7 habits that he has found successful people utilize.

The self-development industry is massive and always will be. Covey studied 200 years of it’s history and found two things. You can work on the Inner Self and the Outer Self. A lot of guidance ‘out there’ is for external superficial techniques that may work short-term but will fail over time. Let’s talk about you.

The Meaning of Life is to be Happy

Happiness can be defined, in part at least, as the fruit of the desire and ability to sacrifice what we want now for what we want eventually.

What does he mean by this? By defining happiness to be a constant change towards our set life goals we will constantly be achieving victories. When you achieve a minor task that contributes to these major life goals you will experience a burst of happiness. How could you not? You will not if your life goals are not aligned to your values.

Happiness is the process of achieving the minor victories involved in accomplishing your major life goals.

We cannot achieve this long-term happiness through minor victories towards our major life goals if:

Everything that You Believe is Your Paradigm

Paradigm – it is everything you have witnessed, believe in, learnt and took action upon right until now. Are you at your potential in life right now? No – then you must strive to move your direction in life to that desired life goal.

A paradigm is your full perspective on the world at a given time. During a revelation, your perspective on the world may drastically change. This is the change we want to control, in order to move our life’s into a successful direction.

In order to change our paradigm we must be fully prepared to uproot our life, as painful as it may be, with conviction. Our values must be defined, our desired roles must be defined (father, business manager), an ongoing plan must be created and consistent action over time must be taken.

Start with Your Inside First

If you want to HAVE more freedom in your job:

If you want to HAVE a better relationship with your teenage son:

What happens if you start with Outside First?

• You will feel victimised
• You will feel like you have no choice
• You will blame other peoples weaknesses for your stagnant situation

Why You Should Not Change:

You will encounter a lot of self resistance when you suddenly start changing to a better you. It is important to understand that over time your body and mind establish habits. Also known as muscle memory.

Life sometimes brings us tragedy and setbacks. It is how we respond to those events that determines our destiny. Whilst growing up you may have experienced intense pain. From then on you did not do that again as your brain tries to avoid pain. This avoidance habit has been formed with negative reinforcement. Thus, when the external situation is applied to you again your brain will automatically fulfil this habit. More on this next post. Take care!  :)

What are Habits?

Covey defines habits to be, the intersection of knowledge, skill and desire.

If we consistently work on our habits, the subconscious and consistent mechanisms of our character, we will be able to alter our effectiveness.

Life sometimes brings us tragedy and setbacks. It is how we respond to those events that determines our destiny. Whilst growing up you may have experienced intense pain. From then on you did not do that again as your brain tries to avoid pain. This avoidance habit has been formed with negative reinforcement. Thus, when the external situation is applied to you again your brain will automatically fulfil this habit.

Think of your bad habits you wish to subdue:

Congratulations – You have now recognised what you want to change.

You know you need to be a better listener. You know how to be a better listener. Now you must want to be a better listener.

3 Things That Make Your Habits

1. Knowledge (what to, why to)

2. Skills (how to)

3. Desire (want  to)

So you Want to be a Better Listener

Why? Because your partner gives you grief over never listening to them OR your boss told you to complete a task by a certain time but once again you did not listen.

How? Google how to be a better listener. You will learn about focusing on the speaker, create dot points in your head and breaking out a note pad and scribling important items in short hand. You’ve spent 30 minutes learning – you know how.

Do I want it? Will the pleasure of being a better listener outweigh the pain of self change to get there? Yes – my spouse will be happier, my boss will respect me more and I may get a promotion. More love. More money. These are things I believe line up with my values in life. I want them. I really want them.

So you know why, how and if you want it. Now you sit back prepared for the opportunity to change your bad habit.

Being Prepared to Listen

The next time you speak to your boss focus on his communications with you. Focus. Dot points. Note pad. LISTEN.

The next time you enjoy time with your spouse and he/she talks. Focus. Dot points. LISTEN.

Before you know it you will be a better listener. You would have forged a habit that will become easier and easier the more you practice it. The more you condition yourself everyday with form this habit in your life that will benefit you again and again. You reap what you sow.

Effective Habits are simply habits that are aligned to your internal principles.

You come up with the how to, want to, why to that will make your more effective.

You Can Form your own Habits of Success

Good Luck